My dad died unexpectedly from a massive heart attack and stroke during my junior year of college on December 8, 2011. His death was the first major loss I had experienced in my life, and I was not sure what to do with the grief I felt. For about a month, I was numb and did not even really open my Bible except at church. It was too painful to “go there” and I did not know how my grief could meet God’s goodness.
By God’s grace, I had already planned on going to the Passion conference in Atlanta that year, so I went. It was hard (I cried most of the time) but He did a huge healing work in my heart. I started to trust Him again and realized He had never left me! 2 Timothy 2:13 reminded me of His faithfulness to me—even when I had not been faithful to Him! It was not because of my actions that He was faithful; it was because I am His!
Three and a half months later, I got a call on a Monday morning while I was in my dorm room. My stepdad was calling to tell me that my mom had died suddenly that morning. Over the next few days as I went home and we made funeral arrangements, I remember praying this prayer over and over again: “God, be faithful to me. Please be faithful to me.” Unlike the grief period following my dad’s death, I knew that I could not make it without clinging to the Lord. It was still very painful, but I knew I had to depend on Him to carry me through.
Two and a half years later, I am more convinced now than ever before that God is so, so good and faithful. He never left me, even when I was running from Him. In fact, I believe He led me to this passage before the death of my mom in order to prepare me for what was coming. He proved Himself true to His Word, and I know that He always will! Even when it does not “feel” like what He is allowing is good, I know He is.